Chinese New Year is upon us, and with all of my local friends at home with their families, we foreigners have to entertain ourselves. Day one of CNY, May and her friends go to Six Flags in Hsinchu, and they bring me along to class the place up a little bit.

Six Flags has a significant-sized zoo. It can’t compete with the Taipei Zoo, but it’s closer to Taichung, and it checks all the boxes that a zoo should. While I’m not crazy about the idea of putting wild animals into captivity so that Little Johnny can make monkey sounds at it in an attempt to “make it do something cool”, zoo admission is included with admission to the theme park. Besides, my refusing to go in wont help out Harambe either, so in we go!

First, we rode an entirely unnecessary, bicycle-powered monorail. I was laughing too hard at the superfluousness to take pictures. We waited in line for 20 minutes to get on what equated to bicycles modified to fit on a monorail with pedals so close that I nearly kneed myself in the chin as I pedaled. This monorail takes you through the part of the park that is already accessible by foot. This makes one wonder what the point is;. novelty, I suppose. Still, I can’t criticize, I rode it too, along with the girls. The biggest redeeming feature was trying to ram the vehicle in front of me, which didn’t work out anyways since the brake was on May’s side and she doesn’t share my opinion of what constitutes “fun”.

And for your viewing pleasure: monkeys! Scroll on further down to see some hairy pussy, in case you’re into that kinda thing.

The baboon is watching, and he is silently judging the shit out of you.
If I could grow a beard like that, I would get ALL the bitches.
My distant relative, chewing on grass. Gotta entertain himself somehow, I guess.
I can do that, but I don’t wana.
They sound like ducks.
The majestic Giant White Pussy. Donald Trump is in for an unpleasant surprise if he tries to grab this one!

I’ve seen a handful of dogs with a face full of porcupine quills, but this was the first porky I’d seen in the flesh. It seemed really enthusiastic to make my acquaintance and waddled over to the fence to say hello. I let it sniff my hand like I might for a dog, and it started licking my hand like a dog might! This little guy might be more domesticated than They let on!

Walking pin cushion or Man’s new best friend?

After the bicycle-monorail-thing, and another circuit by foot, we hopped on the train that would take us through the rest of the zoo. There isn’t much to write about that isn’t already expressed by the pictures, so here we go:


Hide your marbles before they wake up!


Mmm. Bacon.


Concerns about the animals’s well-being aside, It is a pretty decent zoo. Since you get free access to it if you are already paying to get into the theme park, why not visit? But take my advice and  skip the bicycle monorail.